=)

Aku..

" kalau dah macam tuh, terima je lah. bukan susah sangat pun. lagipon banyak laki yang nk kenal kau. kau je yang suka butakan mata, bodohkan diri sendiri.."

Memang la mudah bagi orang lain untuk menuturkan kata-kata sebegitu. Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu yang memikul. Bodohkah aku sekiranya aku menyayangi seseorang yang telah aku anggap Mr. Right aku? Butakah mata aku sekiranya aku hanya nampak dia saja? Salah aku kah atau aku yang tak pernah nampak keikhlasan dia? 

" buat apa lagi dikenang orang yang macam tuh, cuba belajar terima orang lain dalam hidup kau.."

Hati aku bukan la hotel yang boleh sesuka hati je check in macam punch card kerja. Hati aku terluka. Bukan semua orang nampak, bukan semua orang rasa, bukan semua orang dengar. Hati aku dah tak nak terima sesiapa pon dah. sumpah! Hati aku tinggal separuh. Sekadar mampu untuk aku rasa apa itu sakit, sedih, kecewa, duka, rindu. 

" er, boleh aku tanya ? kenapa sejak kebelakangan ni aku nampak kau macam pendiam. mata kau sebam semacam, muka kau macam pucat je. kau ada masalah ke? "

thanks sebab kau masih lagi nampak aku walaupun aku sendiri dah tak nampak diri aku. thanks sebab ambil berat atau prihatin kat aku. tapi tolong jauhi aku. maaf andai suatu hari kau terbaca entry ni dan tersinggung. bukan aku benci kau tapi aku tak boleh nak berpura-pura suka kan orang lain. sekurang-kurangnya bukan sekarang masanya.

" just be patient, try to make a new step from your past, wake up from your dreams because it never gonna come true,  remember dear, every step you make will bring you to the future not past.."

if in a dream that i can be happy, I'm willing to stay in my dream forever. dream that tears doesn't exist,  dream that everybody respect other person's right.

" kau tak nak jumpa dia ke? bincang baik-baik. settle kan masalah neh. kau sayang dia kan, cuba la pujuk dia.."

aku sayang dia tapi dia tak sayang aku. dah tak ada apa-apa lagi nak dibincangkan.  aku pun dah penat sayangkan orang yang dah bukan milik aku. sakit x? kau bodoh tanya aku soalan macam tu.

Thanks all..

today i feel better than yesterday.. well, i being chill up by 2 precious friends. thanks guy.. haha, my morning filled by laughter and we talked about something funny and hilarious.. we are not close before but after a terrible thing happen to me lately, we become close.. they advised me to step forward from my past, tried to be tough, more dedicated myself to ALLAH..and they also encouraging me to finish my study..they also said that revenge will not bring any meaning for me. its useless. its just gonna hurt me and more.. thanks again guy..well, i'm kind of hot temper but they still be there for me..

oke, enough . kang kembang lak manusia  dua orang tuh.. hahaha..

While i also have a lovely and caring housemate and other friends. they offered me their shoulders for me to cries. they replaced their love when i lost others love. thanks ladies~ 

always being with me through sweet and sour, bitter and tasteless..and thanks for lending ears of yours..

oke, i'm hungry.. lets having lunch my friends..

the most appreciation to :

nab, koji, hana, lea and ariati..

Its time..

Its time to me to let you go.. i know it will hurt me like hell but i have to do this..i used to said that i'll sacrifice everything just to make you happy..well i guess now is the right time..

how ??

easy.. just being a bitch..make he hates you.. so that he wont have to feel bad bout you..he can leave u as he wish.. he will be happy..

my feeling?? well, i don't give a damn bout  my feeling anymore because i already know its gonna be really painful.. but it doesn't matter because he will be happy..and i really hope that i will not regret it. i know she can love you more than i do..

people ask me " kau dah bincang baik-baik ke?? kau betul nak lepaskan dia??" its hard for me to answer it honestly since he was my first love.. but my answer is if you really love someone and wanna make him happy, just let him finds what he needs even it will hurt u like hell..

The thousands thanks to Allah S.W.T because giving me your bless even though i'm always making a mistakes.. half of myself are recovering when i wrote this blog..Thank you Allah.. 

Maybe ..

Maybe its time to say goodbye.. 

Maybe its time to mend our broken heart..

Maybe its time to improve our relationship..

Maybe its time for me to let u be happy with your new choice..

Maybe its time for you to let me go..

Maybe its time to making a decision about us..

Maybe its time to step forward from our past..

......................................................................................

I'll be there for you through it all even if saving you sends me to heaven..

p/s : last words are bullshit!